Dark tunnels

Once you reach a certain point it feels futile to turn back, doesn't it?
Blackness stretching out in every direction.
One way to travel. Two options to choose from.
Energy leaking through the hairline cracks - offering a tempting - an alluring glimpse of another world.
I glimpsed it tonight. Well after I walked free.
It looks ....
It looks like. -
It feels as if -
I was bathing in a pond of tar surrounded by free falling cotton candy butterfly wings.
Or leaning back onto a warm, cushioned, blue-bottomed black hole recliner
Where the ice morphs into a chasm of intense scrutiny.
Where the dead souls call you down and drag you in.
It feels like another chance to get it right and go very wrong.
And the intensity is right - and the outcome must be worthwhile.

Growl Station

I'm standing on the platform of Growl Station and hope I can find my way home again before too long.
You left me stranded here, and it feels like there are no trains back tonight.
Seriously?  I want to be anywhere else. I need to jump on the next departure to anywhere. I could hop in to a stranger's car and say, 'Take me anywhere. Wherever you're going is where I want to be.'
I'd be happy to ride a camel for a month to escape.
So.
What are you going to do about it?
You're the reason I'm here in the first place.
Get me out. Now.
There are no niceties needed. Just action.
Stand up, look deep into my eyes, lift me up on your shoulders, and allow me to feel safe and happy once again as the station drifts away into the background.
You have it in you. I know you do.

Crossing

A static day.  Watching others in motion.
But you know what I wanted to do?
Be your guide.
And be guided by you too.
We were almost there.
I could have taken your slender, almost delicate, hand.
And waited. Close enough to breathe in your scent.
Near enough for the fizzing 'what-next' feeling.

But today was not a day for action; not a day to breach another border.
Today was a day to watch and wait and think and contemplate.
All the possible crossings to consider ahead.

Mindfulness

Call it what you will.
But I like anticipation
You can feelittasteitsmellit and you know what it looks like
But what you don't know is what keeps you on your toes

Make me a ballerina
Keep me fit and primed
I'm prepared to wait
For as long as you see fit.

Disappearing act

Key factors?

Fear

Confusion

Determination

Repression

Angst

Intelligence

And an unfounded feeling of superiority

Or  perhaps it is not any of those. Perhaps it's just not the right time. 

So. When is?

It couldn't have been clearer.

Or perhaps it wasn't clear at all

It couldn't be more obvious. 

But it's terribly obscure. 

And therein may lie the problem. 

So find a quiet place. 

Lie down. 

Put all worries to one side

And materialise just as you are

Imperfections exposed to scrutiny. 

Affection.  Warmth. Kindness. 

And watch how they disappear. 

That. Is the only disappearing act needed tonight. 

The present tense

I should be feeling rotten but I'm not. I'm feeling quite fine.
Fierce, even.
Or perhaps a contented relaxed demeanour would describe my present state.
Pleased with myself and the world.

What has made me stop to reflect is the why.

Why aren't the negatives getting me down?
Why does bad news deliciously deflect?
Why am I sitting here smiling a slow sly smile?

It's partially internal - the default setting.
But it's external too - it may even be you.