Permafrost

Apply heat
Repeat

And sigh.

Life is dirty water
Wrung out into a rusty sink

The clean-up satisfies
Clarifies

And compresses

It pushes me to the brink

There's no disguise now
No excuses
No glossing over

It feels done
and I am undone

Put me back in the deep freeze
And wait.

Action

Long pauses can be healing

I needed the freeze frame forward halt hiatus.
But you follow me
Hot pursuit
And cold shoulder

And when at last I think I've fixed it, fettered it, fled it
I turn around and there you are

Present and turned in on yourself
Searing a scar onto my soul with one intense look

And turning away.

And I wonder why this time.

I think I know what scares you most.

Pulses

Tapping out a steady beat for days now
My mind tells me to slow; to stop
To pull the cord; deploy the chute
And glide, drift, float
Letting the world direct me for once
Rather than battling fiercely
Fighting the torrents of lists tasks and types
The joyful people who cling, bleed, and suck energy until
None remains.
Nothing but a bloated skeleton fed up and picked clean
You're feeding on it too. I let you.

Questions

They must be obscure,
I lose my thoughts in their letters
My footing unsure

They must be obtuse
Willing me to sink knee deep
Miring my mind

What must they ask
They know me already. They wait in the shadows.
I'm helpless

Your designs are the solution.
Your solutions are my question
Your trap interrogates, crushes, and sighs.

Fatigue

I'm being hunted.
By thoughts
chasing me interminably towards a void

Useless. Endless. Mindless
Hours parked static
Waiting for that final pounce.

I won't join the party
I'll tuck myself away for now
Quietly behind you

Little animal noises

Sometimes it's overrated to be human.
Baser instincts prevail and it all starts seeping out
And then rushes in a torrent of emotional release.

And now
Drained and damaged it's time to put on a human face again
Play along
Suck it up
And be what I must.

And be what I will

Gentle

It's the approach.
The tone, the touch, the look.
Mouth, hands, eyes.
And the response. Gentle begets gentle.
All kindness moving forward please.
Life is far too short for brutal truths.